I answer a lot of questions about my home. Because I have put my home online for others to see, I expect the usual questions: “Where did you get [insert thing here]?” “What colour paint is that?” “What are you planning on doing with [insert room name here]?” These are all totally valid questions and I suppose answering them is, in a way, part of my job. So those are fine. But there is one question I hear far, far too often which gets my blood boiling, possibly more than it should do. And that question is: “What does Wayne think about all the pink?”
Now, this is not just asked by strangers on the internet. It’s asked by family, it’s asked by friends, it’s asked by readers and followers and fellow content creators I’ve known for years.
I’m not dumb. I do understand why people are asking the question about whether Wayne objects to my love of the colour pink. It appears in almost every room in my home, the ‘red thread’ that joins each space, making it look cohesive and allowing each room to flow easily into the next. But my issue with the question is that pink is the only colour that’s ever questioned.
Not one person has ever said, “What does Wayne think about all the green?” or “What does Wayne think about you using so much of that taupe-y greige colour?” or even “What does Wayne think about that bright orange lamp in your living room?” because as we all know, those questions are ludicrous. Why would he have a problem with those colours?
I can’t help but wonder if I had used blue as liberally as I have used pink in my home if the question would ever be reversed. If people would ask Wayne, “What does Kimberly think of all the blue?”. And I know what you’re thinking already – no, no, of course, no one would ask that question. Even though blue is apparently considered by society and baby clothes manufacturers across the Western world, a “boy” colour. But as we know, the male gender is the “neutral”, the female gender is the “other”. And so, of course, I’d not object to the use of blue (well, okay, I might but only because it’s not a colour I love, not for any other reason!). Because for some reason, it’s okay for a “girl” to live with lots of blue but it’s not okay for a “boy” to live with a lot of pink.
Now, here’s the thing. I have loved the colour pink for years but I denied myself using it in my home. I thought it was too expected. I thought I was pandering to gender norms because apparently I’m only allowed to like pink if I’m a “girlie girl” or I’m a homosexual male of which neither label felt fitting. After a while, I got sick of fighting it. It was a colour that I liked and I wanted to use it. Stuff gender norms.
In 2015, I painted my office in our previous home pink. And yes, I loved it for a while although, at the time, I hadn’t yet realised that I had a certain predilection for a very particular shade of pink and well, the colour I chose to paint my office wasn’t quite it. But that’s a completely different discussion.
Then, in 2017, my love affair with this particular shade only got stronger when blush pink became Instagram’s darling. Of course, the media coined it Millennial Pink even though I am not a millennial (I’m Gen X for those curious), so it was just yet another label that didn’t really fit. But nonetheless, I saw it everywhere and my love for it grew and so when we moved into our current home in 2018, I decided it was a colour I very much wanted to use in our new home.
So, yes, I have used pink liberally in our home and it’s not because I’m a girl and that’s what I’m apparently “supposed” to like. I use a lot of pink – again, in quite specific shades as I tend to like rose pinks and coral pinks and those with just a hint of peach or brown – because in my eyes, these are colours that make me feel good, they make me feel calm, they inspire me. These particular pinks are very nearly neutral in my eyes but they are also not “nothing”. They add depth and warmth to a space, they work beautifully with pale wood colours and gold and they look stunning paired with another colour I’ve loved for years – green (something that no one ever questions).
Now I can bang on about how using pink for girls and blue for boys was basically a marketing tactic and how, apparently, there is some debate about the fact that prior to World War II, these colours were reversed, with a 1918 edition of Infant’s Department, an American trade magazine for baby clothing saying definitively that “the generally accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. The reason is that pink being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty is prettier for the girl.”
It later swapped over because apparently France called the shots on fashion in the 20th century and they decided pink was for girls and blue was for boys and then we had ad agencies in the mid-century who were looking to shill their garments and well, it was easier to market to specific genders so it was just a way of getting people to buy certain products. So the whole idea that these colours are actually biological preferences is essentially a load of crap, a “nurture rather than nature” phenomenon of the late 20th, early 21st century.
And then I can also bang on about gender norms because as humans we like to label things, put them in boxes and make everything nice and easy to categorise and when we don’t do that or when someone decides to say, ‘hey I don’t really like this box, I want to be in that box’ or they say, ‘I’m rejecting the whole notion of needing a box at all’ that everyone goes ape shit and doesn’t know how to deal with it as though its some personal affront to the box they personally tend to like. And how gender is really just a social construct and how we don’t have to pander to what people say we should or shouldn’t like because well, we are just human beings at the end of the day and we are all individual and thank god for that.
But at the end of the day, the way I see it is that pink is just a colour. That’s it. It doesn’t have to have any other significance beyond that. It doesn’t need to have the weight of an entire gender hanging upon it. It doesn’t need to MEAN anything. It’s just a colour. It’s just a colour that I happen to like to use in my home. That’s all that it is.
If you like pink and are fighting it because you don’t want people to assume you like pink because of the biological sex organs you were born with, then please just use it. If you’re a guy and you feel your genitals preclude you from liking the colour pink, for all that is good and pure, please reconsider. The less we bend to these ridiculous notions of what we’re supposed to like because of our sex organs or because of our perceived genders, the less power this colour has on our psyche and the less we inherently associate it with being either feminine or masculine.
IT’S JUST A COLOUR. It’s okay to like it or not like it but please don’t ask me what Wayne thinks of it, okay?
Hello, great article and points. I will give it to my man to read it, he hates pink colour and I like it. I want to add more pink to our flat but …. he would not like it. Anyways when one my friend visit us she always says that our flat looks like mine, not like our flat. And its weird feeling, what to answer, if my man would not like it he would say something.
Ahh thanks for your comment! It’s ignorant to think because you take an interest in the decor of your home and probably do all the planning, sourcing etc, that it’s not his place – of course it is. And he probably lets you take care of that because that’s what you want to do and he probably just has less interest but like you said, if he didn’t like, he’d tell you ;) xx
Love this. I live in a house full of boys and have lots of pink throughout my home so get this question a lot. I also have a 10 year old son who’s favourite colour happens to be pink. Closely followed by rose gold. He’s extravagant in his choice of clothing and loves to wear nail varnish too. He’s also a ‘typical’ boy if there is such a thing, who loves football and video games and climbing trees. He frequently has to defend his love of the colour pink. Unfortunately to relatives and sometimes to his friends because of his pink water bottle that he takes to school. He’s even been asked if he is gay because of it. My son is so confident in himself that he often makes adults look stupid when they ask why is he wearing pink, it’s a girls colour. He pretty much reels off everything you mention in your article and usually convinces other children to think for themselves and wear and choose whatever they like. He Is so self assured. Nice to see someone else making a statement about a topic that really is ridiculous if you think about it!
Yes! I mean, NO! Why the heck would people ask that?! Having said that, our bedroom is pink and I’ve had the same question. It’s infuriating! Same answer: it’s a nice colour, that’s all! Also, Monsieur is generally either asleep or otherwise engaged, so doesn’t really care either way, haha! ;-) xo
Yes to all of this! We have a pink bathroom, I’m not at all ‘girly’, just like the colour. My other half is often questioned about the colour, he was once asked why he would ‘allow’ it! And he always replies ‘I just like pink’.
Oh my god that he would “allow” it?! WTF! And good on him if he likes it! LOL! Sounds like a keeper that one ;) xx
Hahaha! Exactly! I hear it ALL THE TIME and I’m so fed up with it!! lol xxx
I loved the feminist analysis of pink/blue gender BS Kimberly, great article! And I agree wholeheartedly. I find that in the UK the society s somewhat more relaxed around men wearing pink but biased against the “Barbara Cartland” interior design trope, which of course has nothing to do with tasteful use of pink colour. I think colour in design is much like a general plot of a novel. Two different writers, given the same overall plot, will write two totally different stories, sometimes of very different quality. Same with colour in a design.
Oooh I love that analogy! Yes yes couldn’t agree more! It’s not the colour itself, it’s what you do with it that counts ;) xx
Well said!!!! I painted the back wall of our bedroom a blush pink ombré but my husband loves it because he finds it so calming. Plus we talked about it before I did it. It’s just another colour – I hate these gender stereotypes. Does the colour make you happy, does it suit the room/decor, does it create the right atmosphere? These are the only questions we should be asking!
Plus, by querying whether Wayne likes the pink or not, it suggests that you don’t consult each other or have an equal partnership and that’s just insulting….
Oh that sounds lovely! I agree, it’s just a calming colour and if it makes you happy, why couldn’t you use it? Also YES thank you, it IS insulting! Wayne has the option of a veto in our home so rest assured that if hates something, he will not hesitate to let me know lol xxx
First, I just LOVE your Instagram and blog! Color is like age, it doesn’t matter, it’s all about how you feel! Years ago my friends living in California painted all their walls a very soft whisper of pale pink, throughout the entire place. And it was stunning! They (female and male) said it was calming and flattering to skin tones. And I agree! And it became such a neutral, flattered their art collection..and everyone’s skin tone too. Loved it and love your bolder use of the color. Do what you love, I say!
Oh that sounds really lovely and I agree, it really does flatter all skin tones – it really does feel very neutral to me too so I’m not sure why everyone gets so up in arms about it! LOL! xxx
I’m sooooooooooooooooo excited to hear you talk about this and gender norms! It’s often we talk about women in a mans world. And I feel like I’ve seen men feel shamed into falling into gender norms all the time that I’d love to also see broken – like men “shouldn’t feel emotions” YES they should! “Men can’t like pink” YES THEY CAN!!!! I have the blessing of being married to a man who loves his feminine side. He’s not ashamed to be emotional or like the color pink (the carpet in his office is pink.) He’s also a man interior designer and is often faced with gender bias in the industry. I love this article. I’m so glad you spoke up about this. Sounds like our husbands could be friends :) Cheers to your voice!
I’m right there with you Katie!! I could rant all day about this topic but breaking down all these stereotypes is good for EVERYONE. I can imagine that your other half must face some challenges being in an industry that is predominately female – its just so tiring when really, it’s just a damn colour, it’s okay to like it whatever your particular sexual preference is lol xxx
Thank you, thank you. I’m now going to paint our stairs pink!! My husband has no interest (say?) in our home decorating but I’ve been fighting the urge because I’m the only female.
I’m doing it and feel like this has given me permission!
Ahh YES CLAIRE! You totally have permission – if you like it, if it’s gonna make you happy, then do it. I think the idea of pink stairs sounds amazing ;) xxx
Oh, I can SO relate to this! We have a ton of pink in our home and people always comment how tolerant Adam is. It’s not his favorite color, but he definitely doesn’t hate it, or we wouldn’t have it here!
I love your style….the Pink is fabulous!
In all fairness, I do recall you saying in a much earlier post (possibly while you were still in Manchester) that Wayne didn’t care for pink. I don’t remember the context – perhaps it was one shade or one location, but was this house has evolved and pink emerged as a thruline, I’ve found myself thinking, “I thought Wayne didn’t like pink.” But then figured that if he actually didn’t, the house wouldn’t look like it does! :-)
I must be weird in that I never thought to ask that question! I assumed her was fine with it as you were using it I. Your home. Just as I was assuming he was fine with the gold and brass. I guess this is based on the assumption that must couples communicate (!) and the ebb and flow of joint decision making works in good relationships. I know this isn’t true for all but us is god me and my husband. I love your use of pink and I love that you know what feels good and go with it. Very healthy! My wish is that you will get your wish that people will stop asking you this question!!😘
Great post.
I read the explanation for what used to be the gender specific colors somewhere as “blue for girls because blue was always associated with the virgin Mary, and pink for boys because it is the softer, child appropriate version of red, the color of war”. Either way, the idea that people of one gender naturally prefer one color or the other, as opposed to some poeple being taught theiy should hate it and others being taught they should love it, is so ridiculus.
I don’t remeber where I read it, but marketing aleays wanting seperate girl and boy target groups is apparently responsible for childrens shows getting cancelled when a supposed “boy’s” show was attracting to many girl viewers. Such bullshit, but explains a lot about how gender-normative so much of media, especially for children, can be.
I second this: blue = yin= female, red/pink/etc. = yang = male… The swap’s made by US marketing people in the last century – as far as I could read about it ;))
Sorry, French marketing people :))))
My house is a lot of (girlie!) robins egg blue… but I buy my husband pink shirts and he wears them all the time :)
Bravo Kimberley! I’m with you 100%.
I read this yesterday when you posted it and had to chew on it a bit. I’m not a fan of pink myself, at least not pastel pinks. But I’m not a fan of pastels in general but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying the photos of your home. I honestly don’t notice how much of what color you use. I focus more on the layout and style. I love your kitchen despite the fact you’ve used colors I wouldn’t and view everything you post with an eye of how I would or would make your choices work in my own home.
Now as for whether I’ve wondered what your husband thinks, I admit that has crossed my mind. But at the end of the day, its his home too and I feel like he has had some input into the choices you’ve made and if he didn’t like what you’ve done, he would have let you know.
Hello Miss Kimberly, I haven’t written to you in a while but am prompted to by this treatise on pink. It’s my favorite color, and I do think it has power. There was an experiment many years ago in prisons involving painting cell walls pink, to great effect. Reduced violence, for example. Pink is relaxing. My men have always enjoyed my pink environments including in the 80s when I painted everything from baseboards to ceiling in peach, the rage at the time. So I appreciate your purity, but we are so funny as humans because colors are not just colors for us. They make us feel stuff.
Hi Kimberley. No, this is not a “pink” question. ha ha. I love, love all your pink. Everything in your home is so absolutely beautiful and artfully styled. I would love to have one just like it. My question is (and you may have answered this previously) what did you do to your gorgeous bar cart to change the marble to white? It is so beautiful!!! I love the swans on it. Would love to find one like it. We are in the process of purchasing a Victorian home. I will be decorating it in period style though. I love everything Victorian. Thank you for sharing your home and talents with us. I will be posting progress on my website periodically.
Oh Oh!! I forgot. I also would love to have the name and source for the mural behind your master bed, and the one in your living room of your 1st house. Thanks. They are both gorgeous! :) I want to use your wallpaper print that you had in your 1st home dressing room with a Venetian mirror in one of the bathrooms.
Love the pink shades & how you use them in your home decor. Spot on! When perusing color swatches to select for painting our grass cloth upper wall of our small dining space, I asked my man to select the color, & you guessed it! He chose the beautiful pink as it was the best choice. The lower wall is paneled, so for visual interest we selected a taupe gray color. Love the results!