If there is one thing I hear over and over, it’s that Wayne and I make a good team. And we do in many ways – we have a similar sense of humour, we like the same sort of films and TV, we have a really similar outlook on life and what it means to get the best out of it and we have the same kinds of goal for our future. We also do a lot of stuff on the house together and normally, this is where we hear it the most.
He’s my resident DIYer – he loves nothing more than tackling the hardest parts of updating a room – from plastering to electrics, flooring and tiling, he can pretty much do almost everything I throw at him. And I do demand a lot from him, to be honest. I am the visionary for our home, after all, and so it’s me telling him that we need to update the flooring or skim that wall or swap the light fixture or figure out how to physically create the spaces I dream up.
But while it may look like we do all this stuff effortlessly, doing DIY together as a couple isn’t always straight-forward. It tests your patience to the max, it can strain your budget, your time and your attention. And as such, it can be a prime area where arguments take place.
Is it always easy doing DIY as a couple without wanting to kill each other? Of course not. We are human just like everyone else – we get tired, we get hangry, we get impatient with each other just like every other normal couple out there. And yet, doing projects on the house still remains one of our favourite things to do together.
So how do we do it? How can you both do DIY in your home without wanting to kill each other at the end of the day? I figured as we are approaching Valentine’s Day, it was a good time to share how we manage to get stuff done and still stay a team. And as we haven’t done loads on this house just yet, I wanted to share a few pictures from previous projects in our old house that we’ve completed that were definitely a team effort!
Also, I realised as I was gathering images for this post that nearly every single one shows Wayne and not me doing DIY! This is because I’m always the one with the camera!! Definitely need to rectify that in the future.
Play to Each Other’s Strengths
Wayne and I have been together for more than 10 years and in that time, we’ve gotten to know each other incredibly well. So when we’re working on a project together, we tend to play to each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Figure out what each of you does best (and what you simply don’t have the patience or skills to tackle) and assign the elements of the job accordingly.
For instance, I’m better organised so I do most of the planning. So that means I tend to create and organise the timeline of how we’ll tackle a space. I’ll order in and organise the tools and supplies we need as well as making sure the space is clear and prepared for the work to take place. I’m also more patient than he is and I’m more of a perfectionist so I tend to do most of the painting, all the wallpaper hanging and a lot of the finer detail work.
Wayne is physically stronger than me and he’s been doing DIY for many years longer than I have so he normally decides the way he wants to work and how a job is done. I’m normally there as an assistant to the bigger projects – I let him take the lead in terms of the pace of the work and the order in which each task is completed. (Also how cute is that picture from when we were remodelling the bathroom?! I die.)
Make sure you’re on the same page
It was Wayne that came up with the idea of putting a pergola in our last garden and then when I went to the Chelsea Flower Show, inspiration struck to paint it black. We both discussed what the final look would be and how we’d use the space.
If one of us has a good idea for a project, we’ll take to Pinterest or Google for inspiration so that we can both visualise the final look. There’s a lot of communication before we begin to make sure we’re both on the same page and so that we both know exactly what the finished result is going to look like. This means you are both working to the same goal and can easily see the finish line rather than either of you being in the dark.
Discuss time frames
There’s no point in planning a huge job on a Saturday if we have big plans that evening. Rushing a job is one of the best ways to start an argument and everything always takes a bit longer than planned so make sure you’ve discussed when you’ll both be available to give a project the time and attention it deserves. For us, this generally means doing work on weekends or evenings and planning around things like visitors or holidays – or even things like some important Manchester United match on the television (eye-rolling emoji right there – ha!).
Do Joint Research
From watching YouTube videos together to reading up on what materials are required, we go into the project armed with a good idea of how the work will play out. Even if Wayne has a very clear idea of how something will need to be done, I also want to be completely clear on how a DIY project is completed. It helps me in terms of assisting him and it also gives me a good idea of how long each element is going to take.
We also discuss budgets beforehand so we know how much something is going to cost before committing to a project.
View All Opinions as Valid
While I come up with the concepts and mood boards, he does have an opinion and has the right to a veto when it comes to larger investments in our home.
We both live here, after all, and I want our home to reflect both of our tastes. So we discuss what we’ll be doing in the house beforehand, chat through what we feel is the best way to tackle a project and what our best cost-effective ideas are.
Be supportive when something goes wrong
I found that picture in my files and I had to laugh! Wayne looks WELL pissed off at me so I’m wondering if I told him to smile for the camera when he was deep in the midst of laying flooring? *evil laughter*
Things don’t always go to plan, that’s just the way it goes so be prepared for the inevitable. When it does, there’s no point on turning on each other. Take a breath, resist the urge to fly off the handle at each other and instead look for ways to move forward. Problem-solve as a team – a problem shared is a problem halved!
Celebrate your achievements
There’s so much satisfaction when a job is finished so take the time to celebrate together. Stand back, tell each other how proud you are of each other. If you think your partner has done a great job, tell them so. It’s so easy to take each other for granted and come to expect their skills and experience in making your home a better place. By sharing your appreciation, it’ll be a continuous reminder that you are a team and that you are appreciative of what they bring to the table. It’s also just a nice thing to do.
So those are just some of the ways that we stay sane during DIY projects together. Do you do DIY as a couple? If so, what do you both do to keep tempers in check? If not, is there a reason why? I’d love to hear your own experiences so please do share in the comments!
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When it comes to painting and decorating, room planning and research then it’s definitely all me, but like you, I always discuss big projects with my husband first. After all, he does have to live here too! However there is a good chance that he could come home from work any day to find the walls a different colour!! And generally, DIY won’t get done unless I plan it into our weekends.
However, whilst I am quite able to wield a drill, I do tend to play assistant on those occasions. But I do feel that it’s important for me to be part of those more manual projects, even if it’s just holding the ladder.
We definitely have arguments whilst DIYing together, but they are usually over the technical aspects or breakdown in communication over what the project entails. I’m really at visualizing what needs doing but my husband needs to know all the details to understand what’s in my head…
Love that picture of Wayne….! :)
I love that photo too. My husband has looked at me like that on more than one occasion! I’m presently planning major redecoration and new carpets. Trying to decide on colours is quite hard though!
Oh this brought back some memories. The main theme of your piece is planning – and I totally agree with that. Most arguments arise when we’re not clear on what’s supposed to be happening and how! Also as you mention – communication! It’s seems to be much easier to lose the comms (and patience) when it’s your partner. I now share the flat with my brother, so there’s always plenty consultation etc and joint DIY is so much easier. Your advice could be applied as a metaphor for relationships & living together in general :0)
I had a wife once who didn’t even know how to hold a paintbrush (plus other things), but used to look at what you were doing with comments like ….doesn’t look quite straight to me or there’s a bit missing ( when you haven’t even finished the job ). Can get dangerous when you’ve got a hammer in your hand !!!! l
Ha ha ha! This look from Wayne is familiar! In fact I have a very similar photo of Ste finishing up re-tiling the roof of the downstairs loo at about 8pm by disco lights from our wedding!! He was exhausted and wanting to finish and I was asking him to pose for pictures! Glad it isn’t just me!
Our DIY-duo works pretty much exactly like yours! I tend to be the inspiration, planning and detail, though during the big work I do some of the heavy work too, and am always the one to clear up rubble and pack away tools at the end of the day, but he does the plumbing etc while I make copious cups of coffee. But between the two of us we get things done, and we both love how our house is finally coming together, so that adds to the sense of what we have achieved as a couple, and it really feels like ‘our’ home now, which I love. x
I’m single, so don’t have to worry about getting along with anyone other than a handyman or contractor that I’ve hired to do things I cannot. Your advice is great even for my situation. Communication and consideration is key regardless. I do have the same situation as you in one area – dogs and cats taking an up-close interest in what is going on. I tell them that I know they live there, but unfortunately, still do not get a vote. :>)
Very timely after our last weekend!
Epic photo of Wayne. I’ve been on the receiving end of something similar and I think delivered one too 😊
Good advice and I’m going to discuss with my husband this weekend.
Haha a fab picture of Wayne, I’ve seen that face a few times of Keith. in our home I’m the thinker Keith’s the doer bless him. I do try and help and I really wish I was a lot handier than I am. You and Wayne do make a great duo and do amazing work. Xxx
That pissed off picture made me snort! We’ve also figured out each others strengths over time. Ben’s in charge of drilling, heavy lifting, and getting quotes from tradespeople. I’m in charge of building flatpack furniture, getting my hands dirty and overconfidence in my abilities. Generally I will curate a pinterest board and Ben will add his ideas and let me know what he hates, and then we plan together. It works well!